One Day in an Army Training Camp…


Training Officer: “I didn’t see you at camoflage training this morning, Jones.”

Private Jones: “Thank you, Sir!!”

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Top 15 Funniest Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe 2017


  1. “I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change” – Ken Cheng
  2. “Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book” – Frankie Boyle
  3. “I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” – Alexei Sayle
  4. “I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her” – Lew Fitz
  5. “I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated” – Andy Field
  6. “Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant” – Mark Simmons
  7. “I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it…” – Jimeoin
  8. “I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house” – Ed Byrne
  9. “I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died… which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine” – Olaf Falafel
  10. “Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences.’ I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!”‘ – Alasdair Beckett-King
  11. “A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event” – Angela Barnes
  12. “As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer” – Adele Cliff
  13. “For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don’t want to do it” – Phil Wang
  14. “I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark” – Adam Hess
  15. “I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act” – Tim Vine
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Following the Police


I was walking past a police station the other day when I saw a sign outside. It said “Follow us on Twitter”. I thought, good idea. After all, the bastards are always following me!

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