English for Couples

Women’s English

(Men’s English below)

  • Yes = No.
  • No = Yes.
  • Maybe = No.
  • I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry…
  • We need = I want.
  • It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
  • Do what ever you want = You’ll pay for this later.
  • We need to talk = I need to complain.
  • Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to.
  • I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you idiot!
  • You’re so manly = You need a shave, and you sweat a lot.
  • Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
  • I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.
  • This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
  • I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
  • Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.
  • How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re going to hate.
  • I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and watch TV.
  • You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
  • Are you listening to me? = [Too late, you’re dead.]

Men’s English

  • I’m hungry = I’m hungry.
  • I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy.
  • I’m tired = I’m tired.
  • Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
  • Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
  • Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
  • May I have this dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
  • I’m busy tonight. What about tomorrow? – I’ve just pulled myself off.
  • Nice t-shirt = Nice cleavage.
  • Nice skirt = Nice legs.
  • Nice dress = Nice legs and cleavage.
  • You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you.
  • What’s wrong? = What stupid self inflicted psychological trauma is it now?
  • What’s wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question?
  • I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
  • I love you = Let’s have sex now!
  • I love you, too = Okay, I said it. Now can we have sex?
  • Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before.
  • Let’s talk = I’ll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy then maybe sex?
  • Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others.
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