Indian Rhapsody


Sung to the tune of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody

Is this the Tandoori? Is this the Balti House?
Came for a curry, no escape ’til I’ve paid the bill.
Take off your coat, then put on your bib and choose,
I’ve had some lagers, I need an Indian,
And so it’s Rogan Josh, Pilau Rice,
Shish Kebab, Aloo Chaat.
Chapati or naan bread, doesn’t really matter to me, to me.

Naan-aa, just killed a man
Poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle, now he’s dead.
Naan-aa, dinner just begun
But now I’m going to crap it all away.
Naan-aa, ooh-ooh Didn’t mean to make you cry,
Nothin’ yet? Just see the loo tomorrow,
Curry on, Curry on, ’cause nothing really madras.

Too late, my dinner’s gone
Sends shivers up my spine
Rectum aching all the time.
Goodbye every bhaji, I’ve got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo.
Naan-aa, ooh ooh,
This Dopiaza’s mild,
Sometimes wish we’d never come here at all…

******
(Guitar solo)
*****

I see a little chicken tikka on the side,
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh
Pass the chutney made of mango.
Vindaloo does nicely
Very very spicey dish!

Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani and a naan,
(A vindaloo loo looo…)

I’ve eaten balti, somebody help me
(He’s eaten balti, get him to a lavatory)
Stand you well back ’cause this loo is quarantined.

Here it comes,
There it goes,
technicolor yawn.
I chunder
No!
It’s coming up again
(There he goes) I chunder
It’s coming up again
(There he goes) It’s coming up again, (Up again)
Coming up again (up again)
Here it comes again
(No no no no no non o no no No).
On my knees, I’m on my knees, I’m on my knees
(Oh there he goes)
This vindaloo Is about to wreck my guts
Poor me… Poor me…
Poor me!

*****
(Guitar solo)
*****

So you think you can chunder and still it’s alright?
So you want to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Ohh maybe, now you’ll puke like a baby,
Just had to come out, Just had to come right out in here….

******
(Guitar solo)
******

Korma, saag or bhuna,
Balti, naan, bhaji.
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference to me
(Anyway, my wind blows.)

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