Christmas Cake Recipe


  • 1 cup water
  • 2 cups dried fruit
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 8 oz nuts
  • 4 large eggs
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • juice of 1 lemon
  • 1 bottle of whisky
  1. Sample whisky to check its quality.
  2. Take a large bowl. Re-check the whisky to ensure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink.
  3. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
  4. Make sure the whisky is still okay and cry another tup.
  5. Turn off the mixerer. Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the dried fruit. Mix on the turner, and if the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
  6. Sample the whisky to check for tonisisticity.
  7. Next sift two cups of salt, or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.
  8. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Then grease the oven and turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
  9. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.
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