Mid-life Barbie

For women who developed life expectations by playing with Barbie dolls, the new, improved MID-LIFE BARBIE. Now, at long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with aging gracefully.

  1. BIFOCALS BARBIE: Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colours (half-frames too), neck chain and large print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
  2. HOT FLUSH BARBIE: Press Barbie’s belly button and watch her face turn beetroot red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.
  3. FACIAL HAIR BARBIE: As Barbie’s hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
  4. POST-MENOPAUSAL BARBIE: This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick of Ken sitting on the sofa watching the TV, channel-hopping.
  5. FLABBY ARMS BARBIE: Hide Barbie’s droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved dresses.
  6. NO-MORE-WRINKLES BARBIE: Erase those pesky crow’s feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle Spackle from Barbie’s own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
  7. BUNION BARBIE: Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie’s dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
  8. DIVORCED BARBIE: Sells for £199.99. Comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car and Ken’s boat.
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