Reasons Why Its Great To Be A Bloke


  1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds
  2. Movie nudity is virtually always female
  3. You know things about tanks
  4. A 5 day holiday requires only one suitcase
  5. You can open all your own jars
  6. Old friends don’t give you crap if you have lost or gained weight
  7. Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind
  8. Your arse is never a factor in a job interview
  9. All your orgasms are real
  10. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex
  11. Yobs in balaclavas don’t attack you
  12. You don’t have to lug a bag of useful items around everywhere you go
  13. Your last name stays put
  14. The garage is all yours
  15. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
  16. You never have to clean the toilet
  17. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes
  18. Sex means never worrying about you reputation
  19. Wedding plans take care of themselves
  20. Your underwear is £10 for a 3 pack
  21. None of your colleagues have the power to make you cry
  22. You don’t have to shave below your neck
  23. Everything on your face stays its original colour
  24. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices
  25. Chocolate is just another snack
  26. You can be prime minister
  27. Flowers fix everything
  28. You never have to worry about other people’s feelings
  29. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours
  30. You can wear a football shirt to go out in
  31. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough
  32. Boyzone don’t exist in your universe
  33. Nobody stops telling a dirty joke when you walk into a room
  34. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day
  35. Car mechanics tell you the truth
  36. The world is your urinal
  37. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area
  38. You don’t care what your best mate’s star sign is
  39. You can sit with your knees apart, no matter what you’re wearing
  40. Same work, more pay
  41. Grey hair and wrinkles add character
  42. You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment
  43. Wedding dress £2000, Tux rental £100
  44. Gangster films
  45. If you retain water it’s in a bottle
  46. The remote is yours and yours alone
  47. People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them
  48. Facial cleanser with moisturiser £20, soap 99p for 3 at Superdrug
  49. Hairdryers and drills act as substitute guns
  50. You can be the Pope
  51. You can go to war and kill foreigners
  52. Furniture assembly instructions are merely a suggestion
  53. War films
  54. Blow Jobs
  55. Jennifer Aniston
  56. You can retain maps in your head
  57. You can drink pints
  58. Programming a VCR doesn’t take a week
  59. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth’s population in 15 tries, at least in theory
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