- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, the chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
- I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless messages you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your message will be deleted in the order it was received.
- Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first ten words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.
- The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many numpties did this over and over again.)
- Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
- I’ve run away to join a different circus.
- I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘ Margaret’ instead of ‘Steve’.
- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
- Diolch am eich neges. Ni fyddaf yn y swyddfa tan dd/mm/yyyy.
(Genuine, but no-one outside Wales is likely to understand!)