Signs of the Times


Personal

  1. You haven’t played Solitaire with real cards for years.
  2. You have a list of 15 ‘phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
  3. You buy a computer and 6 months later it’s out of date, and sells for half the price you paid for it.
  4. Using real money to make a purchase, instead of credit or debit cards, is a hassle and takes planning.
  5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you haven’t spoken to your next door neighbour yet this year.
  6. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
  7. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they haven’t got e-mail.
  8. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 or 40 years of your life, is cause for panic so you turn around to go and get it.
  9. Your idea of being organised is multicoloured Post-Its.
  10. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
  11. Your family and friends describe your job as “works with computers”.
  12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your mobile ‘phone to see if anyone is at home.
  13. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
  14. You text your son to let him know it’s time to eat. He e-mails you back from his bedroom, “What’s for dinner?”
  15. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
  16. Your biggest loss from a computer crash is your jokes.
  17. The dining room table is now your home filing cabinet.

Occupational

  1. You’ve sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
  2. Your CV is on a memory stick in your pocket.
  3. You learn about your redundancy on the evening news.
  4. Your boss doesn’t have the ability to do your job.
  5. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
  6. You communicate with your colleague at the next desk by e-mail.
  7. You really get excited about a 1.7% pay raise.
  8. Board members’ salaries are higher than the GDPs of some Third World countries.
  9. It’s dark when you drive to and from work, even in Summer.
  10. You know exactly how many days you’ve got left until retirement.
  11. Interviewees, despite not having the required knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told the starting salary.
  12. When you see a good looking, smart person, you know it must be a visitor.
  13. Being sick is defined as being unable to walk or in hospital.
  14. You’re already late on the assignment you just got.
  15. Your boss gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours boots up.
  16. There’s no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time management consultants to advise your boss’s boss on strategy.
  17. Every week another collection envelope comes around because someone you didn’t know had started is leaving.
  18. You wonder who’s going to be left to put money into your ‘leaving’ envelope.
  19. You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
  20. When you go home after a long day at the office you still answer the phone in a business manner.
  21. When you make calls from home, you automatically dial “9” to get an outside line.
  22. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.

This List

  1. You read this entire list, nodding and smiling, thinking how true it all is.
  2. You got this from a web-site or an e-mail from a friend that never talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes.
  3. As you read this list, you thought about forwarding it to your “friends you send jokes to” e-mail group.
  4. It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you can’t be bothered to check, so you forward it anyway.
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