So you thought you were a Computer Numpty


Customer: I’m trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong?

Tech support: OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right?

Customer: Yeah….

Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?

Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen…..

Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!


Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one…


Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.

Customer: No … wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….


Tech support: Click on the ‘My Computer’ icon on the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?


Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.

Tech support: Would you click on “Start” for me and…

Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates, damn it!


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…


Customer: I have problems printing in red…

Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?

Customer: Aaaah……………….thank you.


Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.


Customer: My keyboard is not working any more.

Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work


Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.


Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.”


And last but not least:….

Tech support: “Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter “P” to bring up the Program Manager.”

Customer: I don’t have a P

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: “P”…..on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT

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