Maintenance Reports Submitted by US Air Force Pilots

Here are some (allegedly) actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from maintenance crews.

Left inside main tire almost needs replacement Almost replaced left inside main tire
Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough Auto-land not installed on this aircraft
Propeller number 2 seeping prop fluid Propeller 2 seepage normal – propellers 1, 3 and 4 lack normal seepage
Something loose in cockpit Something tightened in cockpit
Evidence of leak on right main landing gear Evidence removed
DME volume unbelievably loud Volume set to more believable level
Dead bugs on wind-shield Live bugs on order
Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent Cannot reproduce problem on ground
IFF inoperative IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick That’s what they’re there for
Number three engine missing Engine found on right wing after brief search
Aircraft handles funny Aircraft warned to straighten up, ‘fly right’ and be serious
Target Radar hums  Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics
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