Some Random Gags

  • My mate’s allergic to rice. He’s basmatic.
  • Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer.
  • What’s the slogan for the Eskimo lottery? You’ve got to be Inuit to win it.
  • A French cat called Un Deux Trois and an English cat called One Two Three had a swimming race. One Two Three won because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinque.
  • A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double-entendre – so the barman gave her one.
  • I went to the Canary Islands on holiday this year and didn’t see a single canary. Next year I’m going to the Virgin Islands.
  • What’s short, furry and highly dangerous? Sex with a bear.
  • Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.
  • What do a sperm and a lawyer have in common? The each have a one in a billion chance of becoming a human.
  • Good things come to those who wait, but shit pretty much turns up straight away.
  • Why did the agnostic cross the road? So he could see both sides.
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